Doing “good” time

4540168It really freaking amazes me how much time you have on your hands in prison.  :-)  Seriously though I received a new college textbook yesterday that has 18 chapters and 500 pages on contemporary marketing strategies, plans and keyword concepts. In a matter of 24 hours I have already read 5 chapters consisting of over 150 pages and answered the quiz questions.  At this rate I could have a Doctorates degree by next summer!  LOL!

 

If you keep having self-defeating talks to yourself out there then your goals and aspirations will be unmotivated.  You have to stay on course and be willing to do the work at all cost of time, friends and events.  Self-discipline is really just a matter of doing what you truly want to do.  We just have to realize this…

Quote of the Day:  ” Make your time work for you, not against you.”

 

Changes for the better!

4683609Funny and very good things are happening here in prison.  They (the goon squad) have finally picked up 9 inmates on this little yard that were the main pushers of drugs, 3 of which were in my dorm house.  I hope and think they are finally gone for good.  About a week or two ago everybody in the dorm thought that it was weird that our mail had stopped completely for five days but all the other dorms were getting their mail.  It does not take much of an imagination to speculate that our mail was being gone over with a fine tooth comb! I mean this place must be the home for the dumbest criminals…me included :-) LOL!!After twenty-five or so years it has finally hit me that a professional career in crime is just not my forte.  If you are not very good at something why do you still persist?

 

Anyways, everything else is great here and for now on a better course for some of these inmates.  For me…I remain steadfast to be a beacon of Light so others can observe and maybe then desire to do what I have done for myself.  I am very grateful to God, to my mom and my girlfriend and everyone else, even the ones who remind me of my old behavior which I do not want anymore for myself.

God Bless!

 

To everything there is a season…

5210973Hello out there in the world of freedom! Well, sorry to be the bearer of bad news but you guys have consequences from your choices too. So define free-dom for me please…LOL!!  Things are good behind the bars here in Chino.  Like the seasons change, so do the inmates. Some for better and some for worse – which is a good sign we can learn to balance between the two.  The universe shows us we have to have both.  This place is really a huge psychological and sociological experiment in a closed park environment.  We have gorillas and deer and ducks and giraffes and lions and even fish out of water!

 

There is another thing I wanted to share with you. I am in the hospital area of the prison because of my HIV (which is very stable) but there are others here that have cancer and other ailments far worse than mine.  We had the pleasure to have an inmate by the name of Joey who passed away because God needed his soul close to Him. I would like to say a prayer for Joey:

“Father in joy and fear we give our praise in Your name. For You are the primary mover of all which brings us back home safely. Father we ask that you accept brother Joey in your arms with love and compassion so his soul rests with Yours in eternity.  To forgive, never forget to remain in the Light of infinity.  Amen.”

Quote of the Day:  “Something good will always prevail no matter how bad we think things are.”

 

 

Visits!!

2189900
So I got a visit from my mom and Brenda this weekend and I felt so relaxed and natural which for me is scarey…but in a good way!  There was one thing however that I pondered over on my heart.  I had noticed to our left was a family sitting together and they all had their heads together in a moment of prayer.  I wanted to follow suit but honestly I was too nervous to say anything.  So I have since come up with my version of a prayer that I would like to share now with my family and also with the world:

 

“Thank you Father for this moment to give You the praise you deserve.  We continue to pray for the wisdom of Your Truth and Light, always.  We ask to remain vigilant when things we cannot understand happen and to remember that Your will is more powerful than our own.  The bond of all our souls belong to You, please guide and mold us to Your will.  We all thank you for everything. Amen.”

Well, that is what I would have said. LOL! All in all I am so very thankful and blessed to have friends and family.  It is true that as I keep the faith and desire to live a healthy life it does get easier and better.  But never 100% great as you need the bad times as well or else you will not keep growing.

Quote of the Day: ” Remember it is never too late to change for the better.”

 

Gratitude…again

Cross of light
As I sit on my top bunk with my much needed fan to my left and a picture of Jesus facing me to my right (also much needed!) I thank God for everything. Starting a day with thoughts of despair and not being thankful will create inside of me a day of being unproductive.  That folk’s is not the core desire of a person made from a divine source of benevolence. It is part of it however, because without despair or being unproductive, how do you know happiness or productivity?

 

So anyways, I have a new bunk mate and he is almost 80 years old. Where do they find these guys?! The man barely walks or speaks and when he does you need an international galactic translator because no one here can figure out what he is trying to say! To be nice I let him watch my TV during the day and I get it back at night. Yes, all is well here in prison. I guess the only good thing you can do in here is something nice for someone else, and doing something good makes you feel good and blocks those thoughts of not feeling good…WOW! LOL!

 

I was talking to one of the correctional officers the other day as he sat on his computer.  I asked him if he would look me up on his data base.  He could not believe all the names I had used in the past in my outlaw days and really I couldn’t either. We laughed as I said, “It’s a wonder I know who I really am!”  Today with the right daily choices driving my forward I am who God made, at last.

Gotta laugh!

laughingWell hello and greetings from behind the fence.  I still cannot get over how we inmates all do this together every day, day after day.  It truly amazes me.  I do know for some of us that our coping skills are at their peak and maybe that explains the mad hysteria we experience at times over the littlest things.  Example, the other day I was on the telephone and there was another inmate on another phone nearby.  All I could hear was him asking, “Hello? Betty are you there? Hello? Hello?”  Then as I am calling on my phone I find myself asking,” Hello? Mom? Hello, are you there?”  What the heck is going on!?! As we both look at each other with joking faces we crack up! So you can see it is these little things that can make an inmates life O.K. on the inside.  To quote an old Bible verse Ecclesiastes 3:41, “A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.”  So truly laughter is healing and it is the small things that can really mean so much here in prison…and out there also.  Prison has taught me to appreciate the things I do have and not to obsess with thoughts of things I do not have.  This gift of life, no matter where you are or how limited you are, is an experience like no other.  We should all be very grateful and show our gratitude daily.  I try to…

Letter to Mom…

Mom's HeartDamn, I love my son!

 

Dear Mom,

It seems that my experiences just keep rolling along and I also seem to adapt in a much healthier way now.  I do choose my friends wisely in here and I do keep them at a minimum.  So many different people with different cultures, race, age, education and class.  But I do keep one thing inside my heart and that is empathy.  Empathy is a secret emotion and cognitive ability to direct outwardly and inwardly at the same time.  This aspect of our awareness can be used as a Light to help us see in the dark and to open our minds to enlightenment.  Suffering as well can enlighten if we let it.

How can we understand enlightenment if we do not understand suffering?

I love you dearly,

Brandon

OCD awareness

learningIt never ceases to amaze me how many times you can pose the same questions to your mind over and over while being incarcerated and think that you are going to get some different answer that makes you go “wow”!  I guess that is what they call obsessive thinking.  Now let’s assume we want to find out what the compulsiveness is about…LOL.  I remember from one of many books I have read that about 3 out of every 4 people in America have some form of mild to severe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I’m wondering, here in prison it is easier to understand why one has OCD, all the same damn people you see 24 hours a day – every day.  So what could possibly be the major cause out there? I do not know.

 

Anyway I digress here, the question for me that I keeps running through my mind over and over and over is, how could I have done the things I have done in the past and think that is was “normal”?  I have examined this question so many times I’m starting to identify with the answers by counting the white hairs on my head :-)  It’s all the same but I need to remember it is the choices I make in the NOW that count…the past choices are helpful only in the reflections of the consequences.  This can have meaning for me now and in the future.

 

Quote of the Day:  “Today is a good day to look into the mirror and say, ‘You are a smart, good and healthy person that gives a lot to this world!'”

 

My statement today…

open eyeI am at peace with my thoughts, I am at peace with my words, I am at peace with my actions, I am at peace with my character but most of all I am at peace with GOD.  Everyday in this environment I am reminded that my Faith is the backbone I need to standup and face this place with goodness and healthiness.
I will never give up because God has never ever nor will never ever give up on me…I am grateful for His Grace…

 

Quote of the Day:  “A gift is something you should cherish because no matter how small or big you have more than you had before.”

 

Not always a bed of roses

bird on wire2Things continue to be whatever they are inside.  As a temporary guest on this journey in prison I do have to remind myself that when things happen that seem bad or wrong (and they do happen, oh yes, they do) they are not in my control but in the Power that created everything.  I will continue to be as vigilant as I can and remain faithful to my new choices in life.
Quote of the day: “Anger is the wind that blows the light out in my mind.”