Individually, to my total surprise the shock of being released from prison does not fade right away. There is a high level of anxiety that is so hard to explain! The world seems so different and at the same time in your consciousness, it seems so equal. You think and feel that you know everyone, and at the same time you feel like an alien. OMG! Object and time orientation do not sync together. It seems the mind is trying to keep up with it’s self using past, present and future concepts, while the body’s senses are overloading on data it has literally not needed to use in years while incarcerated.
The one thing that seems to help throb this anxiety back down is being aware of your purposes and goals. “Staying in the now” within your consciousness also helps the anxiety. By that, I mean the thought constructs created are kept to a minimum when you are staying in the now. The more subjects and objects created by the mind the more discomfort one can feel. The mind has a way of creating scenarios that effect certain hormones that cause this stress and anxiety.
So being aware of the mind and body is crucial to making a smoother transition into society after years of adapting to controlled environments in various institutions (Hospitals, Prisons, ex…..).
Socially, it is very important to be aware of who you are hanging around! You want to be around people that have similar purposes and goals. In the early stage of transition, the power of influence from associating with others can be something a person may use as a security blanket to shield them. People that have healthy, positive purposes and goals can be enormously good for you, while people that have negative purposes and goals can be enormously bad for you. So choose your friends wisely now!
To anyone reading this who may have just been released from prison or any other institution after a long commitment just know you are not alone in this world and there are people everywhere out there who truly care and can help you, especially if you care about yourself.
Everyone is crowded around this one bunk staring at a tiny TV as the Dallas Cowboys give the New York Giants a run for their money. Yes, today is the start of football season and every inmate here is going crazy. It seems football is a major stress reducer inside for us all. Even if your team is losing we still love it!!
Seriously though at times here in the dorms there are moments when the sound of yells and clapping and roars almost burst your eardrums. The great news is I am soon to leave after 5.5 years of zero privacy and a whole lot more. I cannot wait to hear the sound of the waves crashing on the shore and the seagulls cawing overhead speaking to my heart. And the sound of my loved ones voices in my ear, this will be a gift I will not forget.
The greatest thing I am taking with me from inside here is the knowledge I have acquired that has helped open my self-awareness. For this gift it will be my duty to show compassion, love and joy for/to all life. And to help care for those whose path I cross that are in need. To be an example of God’s love and walk in the light, these are my top goals now. And they are very different goals from before, thank God…
So I was just thinking how the response to hurricane Harvey turned out for the folks in the Houston area. It seems that American can and does come together in times of horrific turmoil. It makes me feel good inside and proud to be an American. To not only the amazing first responders but the average guy that was out there with boats, etc. helping flood victims please know there are many who are very grateful for your existence. OUTSTANDING!!
Here in my people congested prison world witnessing the revolving door is incredible. As soon as one leaves a bed, the very next day it is occupied. I am truly convinced that this is a big, big business. Sadly too big a business. Has crime always been so prevalent in the world I wonder? Oh well, around and around we go. 🙂
On another note, I feel that I have at last let go on being so hard on myself…and it is beginning to feel great. I am letting the past mistakes go so I can start a fresh life. In a few weeks time I will blog from the outside so stick around for more…LOL!!
Hello beautiful world!! Hot and humid here in Chino, CA but with good news from the Board of Parole. My recommendation for early release has been approved 🙂
This will be two years early for good behavior, merits earned for participating in self-help groups and also earning my college degree (I am very proud of myself).
The spiritual growth I gained in these 6 years has shown me how I need and yes, WANT to live at last. I am so grateful to the State of California for this opportunity to those who incarcerated which gives them the chance to learn, to grow and to help themselves.
There is a time to walk the walk not talk the talk and that time for me is NOW!!
Oh, my how time flies by. When I looked at the date of Brandon’s last blog I knew it had been a while but had no idea it was 4 months ago!! It has been almost four years since Brandon (and I) started this blog and until recently he has been diligent with his efforts in blogging. Considering his situation that is a pretty good run! I wanted to post an update for any of those out there who still may be reading as the update is filled with positive, exciting news on Brandon.
First, he has at last completed his classes and has earned his AA degree from Coastline Community College! This opportunity that is available to inmates in California prisons is amazing. Brandon also earned a certificate in Business Education as well. So proud of him. It was a totally self taught experience and this achievement for him is extraordinary. To say I am proud is an understatement 🙂
He also just received news from CDCR that he is eligible for the early release program and it is possible he will be out in a few months. We are beginning to make arrangements for that now…at last. I want to keep his blog up and going as he has never actually “seen” his blog online. I would print out comments, etc and mail to him but for him to actually be able to view the whole blog site will be so cool.
With all this good news going on he has been lack in his blogging but what the heck, his efforts elsewhere have more than paid off! His spiritual growth since his incarceration and his growth in general will see him through anything on the outside I believe. His future looks incredible but as he says he will take it slowly, slowly.
Life is amazing, my son and I have been so blessed to be able to work our way through what could have been a long, horrible time. We both have learned how to forgive, to love and to be grateful everyday. It has been a journey of enlightenment, may you be as blessed as we are and thanks for reading.
As Shakespeare said, “There are more things in heaven and Earth, / Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”
Brandon will be back here blogging I am sure! So look for him soon!
Hello world!! Greetings and peace to all.
The most recent experience here in prison for me is the Light inside my head is getting brighter. Being more aware of myself and others is not a perfect change yet but getting much better. “To just be”, to remain unaffected is a whole new way to be. A better way to be for me. It is freedom in a way I can’t describe, only experience. And so wonderful…
School studies go on. I keep learning and I know that I will never stop learning no matter what. A force that keeps me happy and in good working order. 🙂
And the beat goes on.
Early this morning I slipped from an awake consciousness to a deeper state. My thoughts were not foggy but very clear and very fluid like with no sense of agitation anywhere. I am aware that the silence around me at 3:00 a.m. help as all is calm inside and out, so much peace.
I cannot get over the fact of how much I truly missed school in the 3 semesters I have taken off. My spiritual self needed this time however my empirical self needs to learn new data and information, I love it!
The winter elements here in California are so wonderful. Feeling the cold temperature as the wind blows across my face and the reminder that nature is asleep and waiting for the birth of spring again.
I tell myself over and over what a wonderful thing it is to see God everywhere. To let go of that would be too horrible, like dwelling in chaos forever, ugh.
So with that in mind, I will forever “look” at the world with these eyes as they are now.
Back to the books now, ain’t life great!?!
I cannot believe that I have been here in the same prison for 4 years. So that means when children were 14 years old when I came in they are now 18 year old adults! Just a little something to ponder, LOL. For myself this time was needed badly.
Something important that I have come to understand is that no matter where you are or who you are around you never stop learning about yourself. Every thought and every emotion we have is brought about because of ourselves. One of our sole responsibilities is to acknowledge this power we have inside of ourselves and to learn to utilize this power to make changes for the better and to use it to guide us down our paths. There are no more excuses to keep on loathing ourselves for past mistakes or to feel self-pity, guilt or shame. That way of thinking becomes like some addictive negative habit. No more!! this self made chain of thought can only be broken by realizing the potential in ourselves. This potential, this power, is the very source that comes from the Universe, from God.
It would be my wish that you perceive this reality now. All in all it has been a wonderful few years inside……