Not another day

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Another day, a wonderful day, a boring day, a productive day, an unproductive day but no matter what kind of day, the best part is I get to experience this day.  Now what else could any one want in this life?  Of course most of us answer this questions with something we do not have but want.  We all want what we don’t have.  We forget everything that we want and need is already there in our heart. Sometimes we forget and let our minds fool us into believing different.  Why do our minds do such a thing?  Is it just because the nature of the brain must keep functioning because to stop would mean the end of itself?!  Who knows…it does takes practice, a lot of practice, a lot of patience,  but you can slow your mind down and focus on pure awareness.  You can awaken a part of yourself that is full of bright light, an ancient part of your perfect being.  It does take time to realize your true nature but the journey is so worth it!

 

Awareness in coping

learningHere I sit looking out the windows in front of me.  I see the crows gliding through the air while the green leaves shake their forms as they hang tight to the limbs of the old wise trees.  I observe the little sparrows with their mouths hanging open because of the heat!

The heat!   Almost every inmate walking by me has no shirt on, another day in prison in the summer. I have found a way to counter the misery of the stifling heat.  Simply lay down on your back with the fan on you and close your eyes. Focus your mind on a large glass of a cool color and inside the glass imagine ice cubes filling it to the top, some spilling on to your chest.  Next I imagine placing the glass on my chest while the fan is blowing cool air on my face…ahhhh….relief.   Then something happens and two inmates start yelling at each other and my moment of relief is broken, I am hot again, 🙁

This is my day inside the walls.  What are you going to do but your best. Another strategy is to remember the past experiences with someone you have loved, either a long time ago or recently, it matters not.  Remembrances of love old or new makes for a wonderful diversion. This is my course on coping in prison, LOL.  But all in all if you know how to button your lip, mind you own business….you just might have a chance.

laughing

 

 

This and that…at last

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I know my blogs are few and far between but that is how it is just now. I have been at this blog for several years and it has been so good for me but lately life has just taken over.  It is all good I tell myself.

 

So I keep speaking about prison and myself but another question is how is the outside world doing and everyone in it?  I watch the news and there seems to be a lot of media attention on Clinton and Trump.  Oh yea…election time!  Also seeing that some Trump rallies are getting violent.  Here we go again, the Spanish-American Was part II, LOL.  It’s interesting though because in the wake of these events I see how the minority finds a way to use emotions to persuade others to violent actions.  It is not uncommon is it?  I figure things will take care of themselves hopefully without too much pain and suffering for all. Rest assure however that these occurrences just add to my testament to leave this place stronger than ever.

 

What the heck else is going on…remaining centered by being aware of my thoughts and emotions at ALL times, in my waking moments as well as my dream state.  Just this morning someone approached me and made a comment about a particular person that sits with us at the chow table.  This person at times is loud, obnoxious and obscene.  I told the person commenting to me that I made a conscience decision to sit there for this exact reason.  I need/want to develop tolerance, patience and compassion as well as empathy.  Truly our problems do not occur outside of ourselves but rather inside.  We  create our own suffering, our own joy and until we know this we live in ignorance. The Creator (Universe) made many different aspects of itself. This joy comes from self – awareness I find, for me anyway…..And that’s all for now, thanks for checking out my blog!!

 

 

Random thoughts…

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I’m sitting on my bunk looking out the window and watching the cars as they pass by. I am wondering what the people in the cars are thinking as they drive by a prison. Each one probably has his or her own opinion that is positive or negative…I only hope that the positive ones out weigh the negative.

 

The sun is bright as the rays bounce off the leaves of a spring green tree as it waves in the wind. Just another reminder of the gratefulness of life. My feelings right now are at peace as the time gets nearer to a possible answer of my getting released early, as early as next year. I do not dwell on that possibility to avoid allowing myself to get hurt.  Lessons are to be learned I remind myself.

 

I think a person should learn in their own way to have compassion for themselves when going through experiences that seem to be negative or wrong.  There is not just one way to do it but the mission is finding the way that works for yourself, at that point in time.

Compassion for yourself is a big one for some of us … but so worth it to have when needed.

 

I am grateful today, and try to be always.

 

 

 

HELLO! HELLO!

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Is anyone still out there?!?! 

I am here, really, I have not gone away or given up or anything.  The issue here was that I have been working very hard in the kitchen, which by the way I have enjoyed a lot, But then I found myself getting sick  with flu-like symptoms…twice (ugh). I have no proof that the cause was from the work environment  but by observation of the area and the fact others were getting sick as well I am left with the assumption maybe it is the area I have been working in. But I am at long last on the mend and here we go again…:)

 

Anyway – HELLO WORLD- I have missed sharing my feelings and thoughts with you from behind these same old walls. Between school and work and getting sick I have found little time for writing the blog. Well, that’s my story anyway and I am sticking to it! LOL!

One of the many reasons why I love and enjoy my girlfriend is the fact that she sends me many books that have made a heartfelt impression on her.  One of these was, “The Afterlife of Billy Fingers”, by Annie Kagen.  Easy reading and very soul lifting material.  I also just read a book about a Chinese mother and daughter, I think it is called Scattered Pearls, anyway as the daughter was about to leave for America her mother told her that whatever troubles life brings her she should think of them as sand in an oyster, making the sand into a beautiful pearl. “Take the hard things and make them into pearls.”  Isn’t that a wonderful thought…

Quote of the Day:  “Thinking with a human mind causes the belief in good and bad; thinking with a divine mind causes the belief of bliss, always”

 

A Season of Joy, even on the inside

 

 

 

 

 

 

So here we are at the close of another year with all the joy of the holidays to remind us of the bond of family and the love that helps us all in so many ways.  For me the holidays out on the streets were very difficult because on the streets it’s just all about survival, that is it.  Friendships were based on nothing but give and take principals.  It has taken me a while to learn that my definition now of friendship is a bond not only of a give and take but of a trust earned along with unconditional respect and empathy for each others experiences.

 

This year I am grateful for the love I have from family and I am grateful that my choices now promote goodness and well-being for not only myself but others in my life.  Soon I hope that all is well when I go in front of the Parole Board for an early release.  I tell myself not to put too much on my expectations, all will happen in God’s time and with God’s will.  So be it!!

 

I would like to send my respect and love to everyone and wishes for a Happy, Safe and very Merry Holiday season!!!

 

Quote for the Day:  “The calm we need to help regulate ourselves need not be sought but we only need to be aware of in our selves.”

 

 

What is consciousness?

learningHey again everyone,  this is prisoner “B” spreading great news and thoughts while secluded from the mainstream of society.  A condition of my own doing I might add …:)

 

I am in the throes of a new great question so profound that every desire to find the answer becomes all consuming.  The question that has my attention is, “What is and where does consciousness come from?”  Could is just be some quantum effect from a huge neuronal net in our brains or is it something that has a tangible reality?”  This one question can really take you on a trip all your life.  Because of the mysteriousness of it I feel I will never give up until I fully understand!

 

There are so many people with varied answers, varied experiences.  And there are those that seem spiritually enlightened with their own view points about the nature of this profound question.  As my own questioning has just been awakened my path is young yet, there is lots to know and so I travel on down that road until I know what I need to know.

 

I’ll keep you posted!

 

Higher Power

open eyeAgain here within the walls things are wonderful yet fixed. LOL! I have been reading a very interesting book, ” What the Bleep Do We Know?” and what a mind bender it is.  It has sent my ideas of reality in so many different directions and different paradigms of thinking my head is spinning.  I feel really alive! Once again I owe much gratitude to my special girlfriend for sending to me such a great new experience.  Gosh, I love books!   Oh and baby I love you too!
Mom's Heart

 

 

So I have a new bunk-mate and of course he is an elderly man (very).  After some conversation it appears he is knowledgeable in the academics field.  Pretty interesting  to me that he taught statistics in college and the fact that next semester I am taking intro to statistics. Now what are the odds of that?! Is there a Higher Power watching me?  All I can do is give thanks to either the coincidence of this relationship and/or to my Higher Power for watching over me so vigilantly.

 

So the other good stuff here in prison is that everyday is a step closer to enlightenment.  One day I am going to realize that all these days of searching for answers have really been waiting compassionately inside my heart all along, just waiting for me to finally realize. I am on my way to that day…

 

 

Thankful

Mom's HeartHere we are again and I do have to admit that I would not change a thing.  I really need to thank both my mother and my girlfriend for all the attention they give me which helps the motivating force that keeps me going…in the right direction!  We really all should work at the concept of paying it forward because it does undoubtedly work.

 

First my gratitude to my beautiful, strong girlfriend for all the literature of self help she sends me.  Being able to learn new information about body, mind and spirit has been so enlightening to me.  To utilize this time to not only help myself but realize I can help others, well, simply put, “rocks!”

Secondly my gratitude to my wonderful mother for not letting go of our physical, mental and spiritual connection.  It is hard to put into words how much I appreciate the love and respect and attention.  Being wanted, desired, and needed is a basic requirement for a human which helps one to keep strong through all the tough and troubling days while incarcerated.  I do feel I owe them a great deal  They have helped to save my life.

I am having a powerful gratitude moment.  We have to recognize these because they really are so important to change.

The change of the seasons is near and we all on the inside appreciate the cooler weather.  We all still remain in this moment together, coping and maintaining.  I am thankful to be here and accept that my Higher Power has me where it is enlightening.

 

It’s raining!!

2189900So here we are! Another day in California State Prison. It’s raining outside and the temperature has cooled off and we all are loving it.  This is after of course a period of 106 degree heat and a humidity factor that was unbearable. Honestly, when it is like that I am just like, “don’t talk to me – just leave me alone, let me lay here very still with a wet towel on my chest and the fan blowing on me!

 

Other than the weather report (LOL) I am personally doing wonderful things with my rehabilitation here.  God is so very strong and comforting.  There is just no way I could do this alone.  I still go through many things here in prison that can give me an excuse to believe I have problems.  But most of the time it’s just all in my head, old habits as it were creeping around my brain.  Truly the real enemy is right between the eyes, LOL,  it is true thought!!!

 

Staying vigilant to what’s in my head helps me to help myself and others.