A few words from Mom


Oh, my how time flies by.  When I looked at the date of Brandon’s last blog I knew it had been a while but had no idea it was 4 months ago!!  It has been almost four years since Brandon (and I) started this blog and until recently he has been diligent with his efforts in blogging. Considering his situation that is a pretty good run!  I wanted to post an update for any of those out there who still may be reading as the update is filled with positive, exciting news on Brandon.

First, he has at last completed his classes and has earned his AA degree from Coastline Community College!  This opportunity that is available to inmates in California prisons is amazing.  Brandon also earned a certificate in Business Education as well.  So proud of him. It was a totally self taught experience and this achievement for him is extraordinary. To say I am proud is an understatement 🙂

He also just received news from CDCR that he is eligible for the early release program and it is possible he will be out in a few months.  We are beginning to make arrangements for that now…at last.  I want to keep his blog up and going as he has never actually “seen” his blog online.  I would print out comments, etc and mail to him but for him to actually be able to view the whole blog site will be so cool.

With all this good news going on he has been lack in his blogging but what the heck, his efforts elsewhere have more than paid off!  His spiritual growth since his incarceration and his growth in general will see him through anything on the outside I believe.  His future looks incredible but as he says he will take it slowly, slowly.

Life is amazing, my son and I have been so blessed to be able to work our way through what could have been a long, horrible time.  We both have learned how to forgive, to love and to be grateful everyday. It has been a journey of enlightenment, may you be as blessed as we are and thanks for reading.

As Shakespeare said, “There are more things in heaven and Earth, / Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”  

Brandon will be back here blogging I am sure! So look for him soon!




Me again…

Hello world!! Greetings and peace to all.

The most recent experience here in prison for me is the Light inside my head is getting brighter. Being more aware of myself and others is not a perfect change yet but getting much better.  “To just be”, to remain unaffected is a whole new way to be. A better way to be for me. It is freedom in a way I can’t describe, only experience. And so wonderful…

School studies go on. I keep learning and I know that I will never stop learning no matter what. A force that keeps me happy and in good working order.  🙂

And the beat goes on.





School and more

Early this morning I slipped from an awake consciousness to a deeper state.  My thoughts were not foggy but very clear and very fluid like with no sense of agitation anywhere.  I am aware that the silence around me at 3:00 a.m. help as all is calm inside and out, so much peace.

I cannot get over the fact of how much I truly missed school in the 3 semesters I have taken off.  My spiritual self needed this time however my empirical self needs to learn new data and information, I love it!

The winter elements here in California are so wonderful. Feeling the cold temperature as the wind blows across my face and the reminder that nature is asleep and waiting for the birth of spring again.

I tell myself over and over what a wonderful thing it is to see God everywhere. To let go of that would be too horrible, like dwelling in chaos forever, ugh.

So with that in mind, I will forever “look” at the world with these eyes as they are now.

Back to the books now, ain’t life great!?!




Doing My Time…

I cannot believe that I have been here in the same prison for 4 years. So that means when children were 14 years old when I came in they are now 18 year old adults! Just a little something to ponder, LOL.  For myself this time was needed badly.

Something important that I have come to understand is that no matter where you are or who you are around you never stop learning about yourself.  Every thought and every emotion we have is brought about because of ourselves.  One of our sole responsibilities is to acknowledge this power we have inside of ourselves and to learn to utilize this power to make changes for the better and to use it to guide us down our paths.  There are no more excuses to keep on loathing  ourselves for past mistakes or to feel self-pity, guilt or shame. That way of thinking becomes like some addictive negative habit.  No more!!  this self made chain of thought can only be broken by realizing the potential in ourselves.  This potential, this power, is the very source that comes from the Universe, from God.

It would be my wish that you perceive this reality now.  All in all it has been a wonderful few years inside……



I’m Back!!





GREETINGS ALL!!  So another wonderful blessed year has come and gone.  All I can do is be thankful for all the experiences, good and bad, that have touched me.  The good are great because we can store them in our memories and recall them when we need to relive those warm and wonderful moments, we don’t want to forget about those times in our life!  The reason I am thankful also for the “bad” are because they help us too.  We have this ability to grow and learn responsibly.  Rest assure I know that at the time they can hurt and become a factor in our choices.  It’s a part of our conditioning.

Now the greatest experience for me is the fact that everyday now I feel closer and closer to the Light of Bliss that is the Supreme (God).  This experience with the one conscious being of Bliss is so calm, peaceful, and so full of love that it makes a web of harmony.  I am grateful to be able to transcend myself.  Some would relate to this as being touched by the Holy Spirit or the Holy Ghost, same meaning just different words.  The perception of something greater than ourselves.

Anyways out there in the blog world, may all of you be @ peace and may all of you take a second or two to ponder the gifts we have been given.  This experience is phenomenal and be thankful and remember God….



Just random stuff….

open eyeAhh, the night is here and all activity is coming to a slow pace.  The mind is using memory recall to produce hormones that race through our bodies.  This something called Supra Chisiamastic Nucleus is responsible for our naturally occurring circadian rhythms…in other words we’re getting sleepy because of melatonin being released.

Don’t you just love how so many things are occurring daily in our lives and we don’t even know of a quarter of what happens automatically. What a freaking gift life is, really!! We need to ask not what God can do for us but what can we do for God! We seem to put so much gravity on our daily experiences we forget what is happening in the universe.  We are important, our experiences are not that important, except from the point of view to learn from them.  Our suffering is our growth, this is where the light comes in to illuminate the real eternal bliss forever in the ocean of consciousness.

With that thought out of my system (LOL), everything here in prison is cool.  For real it is!  Remain true to yourself and others will respect that.  They become aware that their powers of manipulation cannot cross the boundaries you have set around yourself.

I am so grateful for this life and every experience I have had and that I am going to have…



Not another day


Another day, a wonderful day, a boring day, a productive day, an unproductive day but no matter what kind of day, the best part is I get to experience this day.  Now what else could any one want in this life?  Of course most of us answer this questions with something we do not have but want.  We all want what we don’t have.  We forget everything that we want and need is already there in our heart. Sometimes we forget and let our minds fool us into believing different.  Why do our minds do such a thing?  Is it just because the nature of the brain must keep functioning because to stop would mean the end of itself?!  Who knows…it does takes practice, a lot of practice, a lot of patience,  but you can slow your mind down and focus on pure awareness.  You can awaken a part of yourself that is full of bright light, an ancient part of your perfect being.  It does take time to realize your true nature but the journey is so worth it!


Awareness in coping

learningHere I sit looking out the windows in front of me.  I see the crows gliding through the air while the green leaves shake their forms as they hang tight to the limbs of the old wise trees.  I observe the little sparrows with their mouths hanging open because of the heat!

The heat!   Almost every inmate walking by me has no shirt on, another day in prison in the summer. I have found a way to counter the misery of the stifling heat.  Simply lay down on your back with the fan on you and close your eyes. Focus your mind on a large glass of a cool color and inside the glass imagine ice cubes filling it to the top, some spilling on to your chest.  Next I imagine placing the glass on my chest while the fan is blowing cool air on my face…ahhhh….relief.   Then something happens and two inmates start yelling at each other and my moment of relief is broken, I am hot again, 🙁

This is my day inside the walls.  What are you going to do but your best. Another strategy is to remember the past experiences with someone you have loved, either a long time ago or recently, it matters not.  Remembrances of love old or new makes for a wonderful diversion. This is my course on coping in prison, LOL.  But all in all if you know how to button your lip, mind you own business….you just might have a chance.




This and that…at last

bird on wire2

I know my blogs are few and far between but that is how it is just now. I have been at this blog for several years and it has been so good for me but lately life has just taken over.  It is all good I tell myself.


So I keep speaking about prison and myself but another question is how is the outside world doing and everyone in it?  I watch the news and there seems to be a lot of media attention on Clinton and Trump.  Oh yea…election time!  Also seeing that some Trump rallies are getting violent.  Here we go again, the Spanish-American Was part II, LOL.  It’s interesting though because in the wake of these events I see how the minority finds a way to use emotions to persuade others to violent actions.  It is not uncommon is it?  I figure things will take care of themselves hopefully without too much pain and suffering for all. Rest assure however that these occurrences just add to my testament to leave this place stronger than ever.


What the heck else is going on…remaining centered by being aware of my thoughts and emotions at ALL times, in my waking moments as well as my dream state.  Just this morning someone approached me and made a comment about a particular person that sits with us at the chow table.  This person at times is loud, obnoxious and obscene.  I told the person commenting to me that I made a conscience decision to sit there for this exact reason.  I need/want to develop tolerance, patience and compassion as well as empathy.  Truly our problems do not occur outside of ourselves but rather inside.  We  create our own suffering, our own joy and until we know this we live in ignorance. The Creator (Universe) made many different aspects of itself. This joy comes from self – awareness I find, for me anyway…..And that’s all for now, thanks for checking out my blog!!



Random thoughts…

I’m sitting on my bunk looking out the window and watching the cars as they pass by. I am wondering what the people in the cars are thinking as they drive by a prison. Each one probably has his or her own opinion that is positive or negative…I only hope that the positive ones out weigh the negative.


The sun is bright as the rays bounce off the leaves of a spring green tree as it waves in the wind. Just another reminder of the gratefulness of life. My feelings right now are at peace as the time gets nearer to a possible answer of my getting released early, as early as next year. I do not dwell on that possibility to avoid allowing myself to get hurt.  Lessons are to be learned I remind myself.


I think a person should learn in their own way to have compassion for themselves when going through experiences that seem to be negative or wrong.  There is not just one way to do it but the mission is finding the way that works for yourself, at that point in time.

Compassion for yourself is a big one for some of us … but so worth it to have when needed.


I am grateful today, and try to be always.